As I sit here by my computer in Castro Valley, a large sign hangs from the wall next to me. It contains only the word “Portland” written in six-inch high white letters on a dark brown back ground. But sometimes it does not contain “Portland but “Artland” because that’s what I saw when I first approached it this morning. I knew there is no such place as “Artland,” exist so I looked again and then the letters blinked and changed in positions and now it said “Portland” again.
This sort of switcheroo happens throughout my reading life these days. So, for example, I have a bottle of Losartan from which I must take one 50 mg tablet each day, so Selai tightly circled the words “Losartan 50 mg tablet” in bright red ink to make the words easier for me to find. So that I would take the correct medicine.
Now whenever I first take the bottle off the shelf, only the words “50 mg” appear. But I know that there must be more, so in the next few seconds the rest of the letters in the red circle appear and adjust to accommodate the new number of letters that can fit inside.
Meanwhile my friends attempt to understand what has happened to me. They may imagine that my vision is blurry. They may imagine that my vision is dimmed. They may imagine that I have a cataract or other lens defect but none of these are correct. The real answer does not have anything to do with my eyes.
So how did I come to this state. Somewhere in the night of Friday, April 7th, I became awake and I did not know why. While pacing back and forth in the family room, I noticed the calendar on the wall, the numbers on the calendar were winking on and off. And everything else was normal. And I did not panic because I have had visual migraines which are harmless and have similar symptoms. But the blinking and winking did not stop as they would for a visual migraine. So I fetched my neighbor JoAnne and asked her to drive me to ER which she did. It was probably around 4am on Saturday morning.
In the ER they gave me x-rays and CAT scans to determine what was wrong.
Eventually I saw Dr. Rock, who is not a Marvel’s comic character. He told me that there was bleeding in my brain and I should expect to lose part of my vision. He held up his two index fingers to the left and right of my face. He asked if I could see his fingers and I could. Then he asked me to close one eye and look at one of his fingers and tell him if the other finger was moving. When I looked to see if the other finger was moving, it was gone. It was not only not moving, it was gone. I had lost part of my visual field.
To be clear, only the finger was gone, nothing in the background.
I stayed in the ER for three days. It is one of the most miserable experiences I have ever had. Don’t ever go to an ER unless there is no other choice. I was under constant surveillance because they fear I might fall. Every time I got out of bed, alarms rang.
Next I was transferred to the hospital which was not as crazy. I continued to be monitored and so then on the 11th of April, in the morning, I was told I would be leaving in a few hours. My sister, Abbey, delayed this action and I finally left on the 12th. I was not allowed to leave the hospital unless I could prove I had 24hr care waiting for me in Castro Valley. Fortunately, my sister’s best friend, Martha, had connections to an organization that provides Home Health Care. One of their members, Selai, was dispatched to Castro Valley to help me on the day I was discharged, which was the 12th April. She has been here ever since.
Selai herself tells it this way – I was in the middle of another job when I received a text an hour before I clocked off. I was told that I would be going to attend to another case which would be in Castro Valley. I was also told that it was top priority and I was to start the very next day, which was Wednesday, April 12th. I did. For the record, the urgency of this case was very unusual as it was marked top priority.
My health now is almost back to my normal out-of-shape condition, except for occasional bouts of dizziness and my vision. And Selai has been helping me with both. She is also working on my diet so that I eat healthy and well. More critically, I cannot read or write without her help. I expect in the future that my health will improve but it will take a while. In the meantime, the most frustrating thing is my inability to read even though I can see all the letters eventually. But imagine that all the sentences in the passage are like the ‘Losartan’ prescription that I mentioned above, jumping back and forth, appearing and disappearing all the time.
So I am gaining new appreciation for the condition of persons with dyslexia. But remember the letters are never blurry, they just wink on and off or change positions. Meanwhile I am practicing my verbal communication skills.
I am extremely grateful to the friends who have stopped by to help me. As well as texted messages and made calls on the phone.
Thank you and thank God that you were able to help me.